Tag Archives: manners

Cousin Eddie’s Bathrobe.

at home, etiquette, respect, the neighborhood, , , ,

The other morning, Best Friend told me that when he went out to the mailbox, he was greeted by a stranger in sandals, socks, shorts, and a wide opened bath robe.

It was an odd vision, I’m sure.  Yet, I’m not surprised since the guy who we nicknamed “Cousin Eddie” was in the driveway of our next-door neighbor who has the oddest people living with him – like Turban and Lady Godiva.  We think they rent rooms from him – The Wild One – and at first, we thought Cousin Eddie was a new renter.  But after a week, we didn’t notice him around, so he might have been a visitor.

The Wild One, our neighbor who owns the house, is a snowbird.  That is, he spends time here from October to April, then trucks his way back to the backwoods of northern Wisconsin from May to September.  He totes his Harley between homes in his pickup truck, and every day we hear him start up the hog and zoom off, only to return late in the day.  And if he’s home, it’s pretty much guaranteed that we’ll hear him using his jig saw, grinding rust off of his patio table for hours, or running some sort of electrical tool.  Inside his house, he has several mounted animal heads, such as deer and bear, and a pool table in his living room.

Turban is one of his renters who enjoys sitting in the driveway and talking on the phone.  She used to wear a turban, and though she doesn’t anymore, our nickname for her stuck.

Lady Godiva was the other renter who was waiting for her house to be built.  I’m not sure why we called her Lady Godiva, but I’m sure there was a good reason.

All I can say is that when The Wild One returns to Wisconsin, the neighborhood will be much quieter, and hopefully, no men standing in the driveway with an opened bathrobe.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

✿●▬●✿ ©2023 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ✿●▬●✿

Angry Man.

comportment, essay, etiquette, manners, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Recently, I decided to tag along with Best Friend to an appointment.  I had some free time, so why not?

That beautiful Thursday morning offered refreshingly cool, fresh-smelling air.  The sun shone brightly in a cloudless sky, and traffic into town was light.  The cattle that are usually in the fields must have been sleeping in the barn because I didn’t see any as we drove along the back road.

We arrived early for his appointment, and while he was busy, I remained in the waiting room.  I tried to read a book, but the otherwise serene room was shattered by an elderly man who was loudly combative with one of the staff (she was being so pleasant and patient with him, on the other hand).  Well, that bruhaha kept me from reading.

Within a few minutes, Best Friend returned to get me so that we could leave, but not before the combative man stormed out of the building in front of us, his meek wife following.

By the time Best Friend and I got to the parking lot, Angry Man had just gotten into his car, slammed the car door, and started backing out of his space without looking.  We were right there, paused on the sidewalk, and he was so quick in backing out and slamming his car into “drive” that it seemed he stripped his gears.  He nearly ran us over.  He flipped us the finger and shouted something.  And he squealed his tires down the parking lot to the main road.

By the time we got to the main road in our car, he was stuck in the middle of the street.  Traffic was heavy and drivers in both directions were attempting to maneuver around him.

It’s really sad that some people choose to take out their unhappiness and anger on everyone around them rather than work on resolving whatever problem they have.  It’s really unproductive to spread anger, hate, and negativity.  Plus, it foments further negativity throughout the world, even if that world at the moment is within the immediate surroundings.  It’s bad enough the world beyond our own private spheres is spiraling towards discord, hatred, and a hot war.

On the way back that morning, Best Friend and I headed for breakfast at one of our favorite casual restaurants, and the pleasantness of the waitress, Theresa, and the owner, Lisa, and the laughter and light conversations from the other patrons proved that happiness, serenity, and positivity are far more productive in building a blissful environment.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

✿●▬●✿ ©2023 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ✿●▬●✿

A Cup of Reality.

essay, etiquette, manners, opinion, transparency, , , , , , , ,

The other morning, Best Friend returned to the house to pour a cup of coffee.  While doing so, he quipped, “You can’t pour a cup of black coffee into a black cup wearing dark sunglasses.”

You see, he was doing just that, and it was nearly a disaster on the countertop.  The black coffee streaming into the black cup whilst he was still wearing his dark sunglasses made it impossible for him to gauge the progress of his task.  Thus, it almost developed into a disaster, yet he averted it only when he abruptly realized he could not see how much coffee he was pouring into the cup.  He snappily removed his sunglasses, and he finished his task at hand, unencumbered.  Disaster averted.

Life itself is much like that.  When we allow the shadows of denial, lip service, gaslighting, obliviousness, or what have you, to throw a penumbra over the clear reality of our lives, we remain in the dark and suffer for it, whether we consciously realize it or not.  Many of us will go through our lives not realizing what is stopping us from doing something we need/should/must do.  Some of us will walk along life’s path, going only so far as to see some perceived victimization and stop right there on that corner, to wail and moan about it.  Then there are those of us who see what our roadblocks are and do something about them and then move on with our lives.

Admittedly, I sometimes don’t see the shadows that are negatively affecting my life.  In fact, I might just go merrily along, believing and accepting that the excuses given to me ad infinitum are legitimate.  Now, I am a realist here.  Some of the excuses – or shall I say, some of the reasons – are legitimate, and everything falls into place eventually.  But when I hear excuses or gaslighting thrown in my direction with never a real effort made to make good on the promised matter, I chalk it up to that person not having the backbone to be forthright about not delivering on said promised matter.  It might be a cry for attention on their part, or lack of backbone.  I’m not here to psychoanalyze them.  No one can do that, in fact.  (That’s an essay for another time.)

To make my point clearer, let’s take a jaunt down Memory Lane.  When I was in my early 20s, I had a date with a guy.  He and I went to a co-worker’s home for a Christmas dinner and an evening of playing bridge, as did everyone else in our small divisional office within our governmental organization.  (For reference and a fun fact, he worked in the Logistics Division, and I worked in the Management Systems Division.)  There were eight couples at the co-worker’s home.  We had a nice time mingling, and we both had pleasant conversations in his car both to and from the party.  He promised to call me for another date.  And promised.  Yet, he never did.  While I had hoped he would call, by his fourth promise, I didn’t care anymore.  I eventually figured that he didn’t have the backbone to say nothing about the matter, let alone call me.  It would have been better to come out and say he wouldn’t call, than to string me along.  As nice of a guy he was, in the long run he would not be a good partner, let alone a platonic friend, because of his lack of straightforward communication.  Good heavens!

There are the people who promise to call, but never do, even after you call them every so often.  It reminds me of the television commercial I saw a long while back:  “Nobody’s calling you!”

Well, isn’t that the truth!

It is much like a neighbor we had who consistently promised to get together, but his promises were never fulfilled.  I chalked that up to him liking to hear himself talk – the “It’s the Thought that Counts” blueprint of virtual-signaling.

Over the years, events such as those eventually taught me to look at life behind the shadows of deceit.  Call me cynical, call me skeptical, call me jaded.  Life events taught me to believe when I see action – at least with repeat offenders.

Sometimes it is difficult for me to understand why people gaslight or completely throw a shadow on a situation.  Unfortunately, I have seen more and more of it recently – at least more so over these past three years.  It almost appears that too many people have become lazy, or dare I say it?  Uncaring, indifferent, and cold.  Throw darkness on it; I meant well; no one will notice seems to be the mantra.

Perhaps I live in a different world – a world where manners, graciousness, and straightforwardness exist and actually matter.  That is my world.  So now, I don’t bother with people whom I don’t hear from anymore.  I see things for what they are.  I see people for who they are.

It would be a better world and people would get along beat when the cloak of darkness is lifted.   Why not be forthright and honest and transparent?

Don’t pour black coffee into a black cup whilst wearing dark sunglasses.

I’m not drinking from it.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

✿●▬▬●✿ ©2023 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ✿●▬▬●✿

Out on the Town.

dining, etiquette, grooming, manners, tips for gracious living, , , , , , , , ,

The morning air was brisk this morning as I headed down to the kitchen for a cup of hot coffee.  After pouring my cup and taking a sip, I turned to look out the window at the burgeoning dawn.  The sky, while a pale robin’s egg blue, it was the ribbon of yellows and oranges that caught my eye.  But it did not last.  Within the minute, it disappeared while the sun rose above the horizon.

This past weekend held a flurry of activity here at The Oasis at Four Queen Palms.

Best Friend and I were, in a way, held captive at home Friday while we waited and waited for the cable man to come and replace the DVR black box that burned out.  It turns out that the fan inside it died out, and the entire box needed to be swapped out with a new one.  The funny thing is that the box was only three years and two weeks old.

So much for technology.

We spent the next morning putting away our Christmas decorations.  We are traditionalists, and our decorations come down on Three Kings Day (Epiphany – January 6), or at the most, the next day.  This year, the dismantling was fairly easy, since we only decorated the main house.  I am questioning the point of decorating to the full extent anymore, but time will tell when the calendar turns to November later this year.  Stay tuned.

That same evening, Best Friend wanted to treat us to a very nice dinner out, and I thought it was a grand idea.  It’s something we don’t do very often.  He mentioned that he wanted to go somewhere where the booths are very comfortable, so I recommended the nice restaurant across the road.  We don’t usually go there except for once in a great while.  So, once we got our usual Saturday housework and business done, we got ready to go out.

We both dressed up since the restaurant is somewhat fancy (for this area).  Best Friend wore a French cuff shirt with cuff links; I wore an all-black dress and carried a silver clutch purse.

We sat at our usual quiet corner table in the bar section of the restaurant.  I had a clear view of the outside, and Best Friend had a good view of the bar.  This made for a pleasant atmosphere.  One of the things I like about this restaurant is the roomy couch-like chairs that are so comfortable. I have mentioned in the passing conversation that they would make a great addition to our dining room, if we were so inclined to replace the table suite at home.

We placed our orders – rib eye, a Peroni, and a pinot noir – and the two of us carried on light conversation.  That is, until a couple of patrons entered with a bit of bluster.

They spoke loudly, which made it difficult to concentrate on our private table conversation for the time being.  The two women who entered recognized two other women at the bar, and we all in the room knew it for the rest of the evening!  Moreover, it was aggravating to be forced to hear gossip (for they spoke loudly during their meal) about a neighbor.  Always remember, I thought, when someone gossips about one person, you can be sure they will gossip about you!

It also appeared that some of the men patrons at the bar live in our neighborhood, so that told me that the bar in our neighborhood isn’t always the go-to place.

One other point that both Best Friend and I observed that night is that although this restaurant is one that conveys some class (it is not a fast-food joint by any means), the patrons’ mode of dress did not reflect that.  We saw people dressed in loungewear, shorts, T-shirts, and one wore black leggings and a faux leopard fur quasi-bolero jacket that emphasized her ample rear end and squat legs.  In fact, Best Friend stated that it seemed that the evening crowd dressed very sloppily as compared to the daytime lunch crowd.  He is right.

This is something I – we – notice when we are out in the world.  For some reason, people don’t dress nicely nor neatly anymore, nor do they comb their hair.  Parts in the hair are all over the place, like a winding road in the mountains of Monaco.  Overall, it’s a look of sloppy fashion that seems to deteriorate as every season passes.  It is as if people don’t have respect for themselves, let alone for anyone around them.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

✿●▬▬▬●✿ ©2023 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ✿●▬▬▬●✿

Dining out should be an elegant experience.

Gracious Holiday Living – Part V.

at home, christmas, comportment, dining, etiquette, grooming, guest, holidays, manners, new year, new year's eve, respect, tips for gracious living, , , , , , , , ,

One of the simple enjoyments I have during the holiday season is dressing up, particularly if the occasion or activity calls for more than jeans and a shirt.

Presenting oneself in an appropriate ensemble with good personal grooming is key.  Too often today, in our laid back, sloppy world, people view “dressing up” as wearing faded jeans, gym shoes, and a wrinkled sweatshirt to any occasion these days, no matter the casualness or formality of it – I have seen such “fashion” at weddings, wakes, funerals, church, concerts, and nice restaurants.  I have seen people wear pajamas in public, and one huckster on television hawks his slippers that you can “wear any time, any place.”  Well, there’s nothing like promoting slovenliness!

Sigh.

Best Friend and I were at a holiday philharmonia concert a few weeks ago.  We couldn’t help but notice the varied modes of dress:  ripped and faded blue jeans, a wrinkled cotton housedress, a forest green lamé pantsuit, colorful sequined jackets, sweatshirts, oversized ugly Christmas sweaters, dark suits and ties, and the most shocking of all was the micro miniskirt with thigh-high suede boots.

Why, even the current leader of the Ukraine spoke in person to the United States Congress last week in nothing better than cargo pants and a tired-looking sweatshirt.  And that isn’t even the traditional Ukrainian national dress, so there was no excuse for not wearing a suit and tie.  In fact, his ensemble loudly proclaimed disrespect and thuggery.  Moreover, I believe there is a guy who will be going to the United States Senate next term who wears oversized hoodie jackets and jeans everywhere as his signature ensemble.

Mercy!

The manner in which you dress and groom yourself presents to the world how you view yourself, and it shows the world what you think of everyone else.

The way you dress also has an impact on how you communicate.  I believe that when a person is dressed in clean and ironed clothing and personal grooming is neat and fresh, respectful comportment and language follows.  You cannot help but feel good and speak with intelligence.  This isn’t to say that is a one hundred per cent fact, that once a person combs his hair and puts on a tuxedo that magically he is metamorphosed into the personification of etiquette and the King’s English, but it does ring true in my experience with others – that a well-groomed person feels better about himself and thus exudes respect towards others in manners and language.

A person doesn’t have to be a slovenly slob at home, either.  In fact, there are days that even if I stay home all day, I still comb and style my hair, put on a little makeup, and wear stud earrings.  That little bit of simple grooming goes a long way into making me feel good about myself.  To be an unkempt slob is to not care a wit about yourself or others.

The 2022 holiday season is drawing to a close, and soon it will be written as yet another chapter in my journal for the year.  If you are attending a New Year’s Eve party, being a guest at someone’s house, or just staying home to celebrate the incoming new year, why not think well of yourself – comb your hair and dress up!

Make your holiday season classy.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

©2022 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms

✿●▬▬▬▬●✿●✿●▬▬▬▬●✿

Delightful celebration at the table.