Tag Archives: etiquette

Cousin Eddie’s Bathrobe.

at home, etiquette, respect, the neighborhood, , , ,

The other morning, Best Friend told me that when he went out to the mailbox, he was greeted by a stranger in sandals, socks, shorts, and a wide opened bath robe.

It was an odd vision, I’m sure.  Yet, I’m not surprised since the guy who we nicknamed “Cousin Eddie” was in the driveway of our next-door neighbor who has the oddest people living with him – like Turban and Lady Godiva.  We think they rent rooms from him – The Wild One – and at first, we thought Cousin Eddie was a new renter.  But after a week, we didn’t notice him around, so he might have been a visitor.

The Wild One, our neighbor who owns the house, is a snowbird.  That is, he spends time here from October to April, then trucks his way back to the backwoods of northern Wisconsin from May to September.  He totes his Harley between homes in his pickup truck, and every day we hear him start up the hog and zoom off, only to return late in the day.  And if he’s home, it’s pretty much guaranteed that we’ll hear him using his jig saw, grinding rust off of his patio table for hours, or running some sort of electrical tool.  Inside his house, he has several mounted animal heads, such as deer and bear, and a pool table in his living room.

Turban is one of his renters who enjoys sitting in the driveway and talking on the phone.  She used to wear a turban, and though she doesn’t anymore, our nickname for her stuck.

Lady Godiva was the other renter who was waiting for her house to be built.  I’m not sure why we called her Lady Godiva, but I’m sure there was a good reason.

All I can say is that when The Wild One returns to Wisconsin, the neighborhood will be much quieter, and hopefully, no men standing in the driveway with an opened bathrobe.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

✿●▬●✿ ©2023 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ✿●▬●✿

Darkest Before the Awakening?

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A few nights ago, I watched a performance straight out of Washington, DC that brought me to think once again about how much the world has changed.

There was, once upon a time, a world where people created beauty, and everyone saw that beauty around them, to be celebrated and enjoyed by everyone who appreciated such things.  This beauty came in the form of decorated buildings, attractive fashion, respectful language, comprehensible music, well-made everyday items, and the like.

Yet lately, the world is quite the opposite.  To see beauty, one must search as an archeologist on a dig.

Earlier this week, the Grammys presented a show that featured a quite plump man dressed as a devil in red, bellowing, “Unholy!  Unholy!”  Around him danced more red devils.  Up around him flew pyrotechnics.

Last fall, Jokey the Prez read a gravely malicious speech in front of Independence Hall in Philadelphia, complete with red lighting on either side of him and he himself shadowed in near total darkness.  His State of the Union Speech this week was steeped in lie after lie, and his twisted, creepy smiles had a luciferian charm about them.

Out in the world, I rarely see people that present themselves well.  I barely see anyone with combed hair, or dressed in anything other than workout clothes or ripped up clothes.

I hear vulgar language everywhere.  I hear it in passing in public.  People I meet feel free to pepper in expletives with nary a second thought.  Sadly, that kind of tasteless language is also prevalent in print.

This isn’t to say that there was nothing ugly about the world before these currently strange times.  Yes, it was there, but the beauty, light, and respect were more prevalent then than today.

I now observe something about people that is really disconcerting:  It appears that people want to be intentionally ugly – slovenly, repulsive, and foul – and thereby to blend in with the intentionally ugly world, to become one with the ugliness enveloped in the darkness of hate, self-loathing, and nihility is to become nothing themselves.

In the current fad of eschewing Our Creator, so many, many people are attempting to take on the role of God.  They fall into idol worship:  They medically and surgically change their sex; they attempt to control climate; they embrace abortion.  They go on to celebrate sexual perversions, and they break up the family unit even further.  They call names, lie to your face, and spew hatred, and if you don’t go along with them, there’s something wrong with you.

They laugh in the face of God.

I read that people believe that we are now in the End Times.  Perhaps we are.  And perhaps we are on our way to the next Great Awakening.

We can only hope and have faith.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

✿●▬▬▬●✿ ©2023 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ✿●▬▬▬●✿

A Cup of Reality.

essay, etiquette, manners, opinion, transparency, , , , , , , ,

The other morning, Best Friend returned to the house to pour a cup of coffee.  While doing so, he quipped, “You can’t pour a cup of black coffee into a black cup wearing dark sunglasses.”

You see, he was doing just that, and it was nearly a disaster on the countertop.  The black coffee streaming into the black cup whilst he was still wearing his dark sunglasses made it impossible for him to gauge the progress of his task.  Thus, it almost developed into a disaster, yet he averted it only when he abruptly realized he could not see how much coffee he was pouring into the cup.  He snappily removed his sunglasses, and he finished his task at hand, unencumbered.  Disaster averted.

Life itself is much like that.  When we allow the shadows of denial, lip service, gaslighting, obliviousness, or what have you, to throw a penumbra over the clear reality of our lives, we remain in the dark and suffer for it, whether we consciously realize it or not.  Many of us will go through our lives not realizing what is stopping us from doing something we need/should/must do.  Some of us will walk along life’s path, going only so far as to see some perceived victimization and stop right there on that corner, to wail and moan about it.  Then there are those of us who see what our roadblocks are and do something about them and then move on with our lives.

Admittedly, I sometimes don’t see the shadows that are negatively affecting my life.  In fact, I might just go merrily along, believing and accepting that the excuses given to me ad infinitum are legitimate.  Now, I am a realist here.  Some of the excuses – or shall I say, some of the reasons – are legitimate, and everything falls into place eventually.  But when I hear excuses or gaslighting thrown in my direction with never a real effort made to make good on the promised matter, I chalk it up to that person not having the backbone to be forthright about not delivering on said promised matter.  It might be a cry for attention on their part, or lack of backbone.  I’m not here to psychoanalyze them.  No one can do that, in fact.  (That’s an essay for another time.)

To make my point clearer, let’s take a jaunt down Memory Lane.  When I was in my early 20s, I had a date with a guy.  He and I went to a co-worker’s home for a Christmas dinner and an evening of playing bridge, as did everyone else in our small divisional office within our governmental organization.  (For reference and a fun fact, he worked in the Logistics Division, and I worked in the Management Systems Division.)  There were eight couples at the co-worker’s home.  We had a nice time mingling, and we both had pleasant conversations in his car both to and from the party.  He promised to call me for another date.  And promised.  Yet, he never did.  While I had hoped he would call, by his fourth promise, I didn’t care anymore.  I eventually figured that he didn’t have the backbone to say nothing about the matter, let alone call me.  It would have been better to come out and say he wouldn’t call, than to string me along.  As nice of a guy he was, in the long run he would not be a good partner, let alone a platonic friend, because of his lack of straightforward communication.  Good heavens!

There are the people who promise to call, but never do, even after you call them every so often.  It reminds me of the television commercial I saw a long while back:  “Nobody’s calling you!”

Well, isn’t that the truth!

It is much like a neighbor we had who consistently promised to get together, but his promises were never fulfilled.  I chalked that up to him liking to hear himself talk – the “It’s the Thought that Counts” blueprint of virtual-signaling.

Over the years, events such as those eventually taught me to look at life behind the shadows of deceit.  Call me cynical, call me skeptical, call me jaded.  Life events taught me to believe when I see action – at least with repeat offenders.

Sometimes it is difficult for me to understand why people gaslight or completely throw a shadow on a situation.  Unfortunately, I have seen more and more of it recently – at least more so over these past three years.  It almost appears that too many people have become lazy, or dare I say it?  Uncaring, indifferent, and cold.  Throw darkness on it; I meant well; no one will notice seems to be the mantra.

Perhaps I live in a different world – a world where manners, graciousness, and straightforwardness exist and actually matter.  That is my world.  So now, I don’t bother with people whom I don’t hear from anymore.  I see things for what they are.  I see people for who they are.

It would be a better world and people would get along beat when the cloak of darkness is lifted.   Why not be forthright and honest and transparent?

Don’t pour black coffee into a black cup whilst wearing dark sunglasses.

I’m not drinking from it.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

✿●▬▬●✿ ©2023 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ✿●▬▬●✿

Words Matter – Hack and Steal.

books, etiquette, relationships, , ,

The other day, my thoughts went along the lines of new definitions and those word “fads” so prevalent today.  A “word fad” is current slang used mindlessly without an understanding of its definition, and one that will mostly likely will be replaced when a new fad arises.

One of those words that is abused is “hack.”  There are hair hacks, cooking hacks, security hacks, and you name it.  You see it everywhere.  Yet, one definition of the word hack is “to gaining unauthorized access.”  Another definition is “to cut with heavy blows.”

Therefore, instead of using the word “tips,” for passing along information – hair tips, security tips, cooking tips – we hack, hack, hack.  Take unauthorized access.  Grab and run.  Rip off.  Steal.

Another misused phrase I hear quite often is “I’m going to steal that idea!”

Most often when I hear that statement, it is when someone likes another person’s skills, décor, style, recipe, or what-have-you.  Whatever happened to complimenting the person on their décor, style, recipe, or whatnot?  And – horrors! – what about asking that person if it’s alright to borrow or use what is admired?

No, that would be too courteous.  Instead, it’s always steal, take, swipe, hack, or something just as underhanded and despicable.

Yet, it is the way of the world these days.

✿●▬▬▬● ©2023 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ●▬▬▬●✿

Out on the Town.

dining, etiquette, grooming, manners, tips for gracious living, , , , , , , , ,

The morning air was brisk this morning as I headed down to the kitchen for a cup of hot coffee.  After pouring my cup and taking a sip, I turned to look out the window at the burgeoning dawn.  The sky, while a pale robin’s egg blue, it was the ribbon of yellows and oranges that caught my eye.  But it did not last.  Within the minute, it disappeared while the sun rose above the horizon.

This past weekend held a flurry of activity here at The Oasis at Four Queen Palms.

Best Friend and I were, in a way, held captive at home Friday while we waited and waited for the cable man to come and replace the DVR black box that burned out.  It turns out that the fan inside it died out, and the entire box needed to be swapped out with a new one.  The funny thing is that the box was only three years and two weeks old.

So much for technology.

We spent the next morning putting away our Christmas decorations.  We are traditionalists, and our decorations come down on Three Kings Day (Epiphany – January 6), or at the most, the next day.  This year, the dismantling was fairly easy, since we only decorated the main house.  I am questioning the point of decorating to the full extent anymore, but time will tell when the calendar turns to November later this year.  Stay tuned.

That same evening, Best Friend wanted to treat us to a very nice dinner out, and I thought it was a grand idea.  It’s something we don’t do very often.  He mentioned that he wanted to go somewhere where the booths are very comfortable, so I recommended the nice restaurant across the road.  We don’t usually go there except for once in a great while.  So, once we got our usual Saturday housework and business done, we got ready to go out.

We both dressed up since the restaurant is somewhat fancy (for this area).  Best Friend wore a French cuff shirt with cuff links; I wore an all-black dress and carried a silver clutch purse.

We sat at our usual quiet corner table in the bar section of the restaurant.  I had a clear view of the outside, and Best Friend had a good view of the bar.  This made for a pleasant atmosphere.  One of the things I like about this restaurant is the roomy couch-like chairs that are so comfortable. I have mentioned in the passing conversation that they would make a great addition to our dining room, if we were so inclined to replace the table suite at home.

We placed our orders – rib eye, a Peroni, and a pinot noir – and the two of us carried on light conversation.  That is, until a couple of patrons entered with a bit of bluster.

They spoke loudly, which made it difficult to concentrate on our private table conversation for the time being.  The two women who entered recognized two other women at the bar, and we all in the room knew it for the rest of the evening!  Moreover, it was aggravating to be forced to hear gossip (for they spoke loudly during their meal) about a neighbor.  Always remember, I thought, when someone gossips about one person, you can be sure they will gossip about you!

It also appeared that some of the men patrons at the bar live in our neighborhood, so that told me that the bar in our neighborhood isn’t always the go-to place.

One other point that both Best Friend and I observed that night is that although this restaurant is one that conveys some class (it is not a fast-food joint by any means), the patrons’ mode of dress did not reflect that.  We saw people dressed in loungewear, shorts, T-shirts, and one wore black leggings and a faux leopard fur quasi-bolero jacket that emphasized her ample rear end and squat legs.  In fact, Best Friend stated that it seemed that the evening crowd dressed very sloppily as compared to the daytime lunch crowd.  He is right.

This is something I – we – notice when we are out in the world.  For some reason, people don’t dress nicely nor neatly anymore, nor do they comb their hair.  Parts in the hair are all over the place, like a winding road in the mountains of Monaco.  Overall, it’s a look of sloppy fashion that seems to deteriorate as every season passes.  It is as if people don’t have respect for themselves, let alone for anyone around them.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

✿●▬▬▬●✿ ©2023 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ✿●▬▬▬●✿

Dining out should be an elegant experience.

Gracious Holiday Living – Part V.

at home, christmas, comportment, dining, etiquette, grooming, guest, holidays, manners, new year, new year's eve, respect, tips for gracious living, , , , , , , , ,

One of the simple enjoyments I have during the holiday season is dressing up, particularly if the occasion or activity calls for more than jeans and a shirt.

Presenting oneself in an appropriate ensemble with good personal grooming is key.  Too often today, in our laid back, sloppy world, people view “dressing up” as wearing faded jeans, gym shoes, and a wrinkled sweatshirt to any occasion these days, no matter the casualness or formality of it – I have seen such “fashion” at weddings, wakes, funerals, church, concerts, and nice restaurants.  I have seen people wear pajamas in public, and one huckster on television hawks his slippers that you can “wear any time, any place.”  Well, there’s nothing like promoting slovenliness!

Sigh.

Best Friend and I were at a holiday philharmonia concert a few weeks ago.  We couldn’t help but notice the varied modes of dress:  ripped and faded blue jeans, a wrinkled cotton housedress, a forest green lamé pantsuit, colorful sequined jackets, sweatshirts, oversized ugly Christmas sweaters, dark suits and ties, and the most shocking of all was the micro miniskirt with thigh-high suede boots.

Why, even the current leader of the Ukraine spoke in person to the United States Congress last week in nothing better than cargo pants and a tired-looking sweatshirt.  And that isn’t even the traditional Ukrainian national dress, so there was no excuse for not wearing a suit and tie.  In fact, his ensemble loudly proclaimed disrespect and thuggery.  Moreover, I believe there is a guy who will be going to the United States Senate next term who wears oversized hoodie jackets and jeans everywhere as his signature ensemble.

Mercy!

The manner in which you dress and groom yourself presents to the world how you view yourself, and it shows the world what you think of everyone else.

The way you dress also has an impact on how you communicate.  I believe that when a person is dressed in clean and ironed clothing and personal grooming is neat and fresh, respectful comportment and language follows.  You cannot help but feel good and speak with intelligence.  This isn’t to say that is a one hundred per cent fact, that once a person combs his hair and puts on a tuxedo that magically he is metamorphosed into the personification of etiquette and the King’s English, but it does ring true in my experience with others – that a well-groomed person feels better about himself and thus exudes respect towards others in manners and language.

A person doesn’t have to be a slovenly slob at home, either.  In fact, there are days that even if I stay home all day, I still comb and style my hair, put on a little makeup, and wear stud earrings.  That little bit of simple grooming goes a long way into making me feel good about myself.  To be an unkempt slob is to not care a wit about yourself or others.

The 2022 holiday season is drawing to a close, and soon it will be written as yet another chapter in my journal for the year.  If you are attending a New Year’s Eve party, being a guest at someone’s house, or just staying home to celebrate the incoming new year, why not think well of yourself – comb your hair and dress up!

Make your holiday season classy.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

©2022 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms

✿●▬▬▬▬●✿●✿●▬▬▬▬●✿

Delightful celebration at the table.

Festivities – Part III.

dining, etiquette, festivity, holidays, respect, tips for gracious living, , , ,

Our weekend festivities turned out well, and though we experienced the icy blast of winter weather that blanketed the North American continent, we stayed warm.

FIREPLACE WHITE

We began our weekend by dining out on Friday at one of our favorite Italian restaurants.  It was crowded, yet we were able to secure a table in a good spot.  Though it wasn’t the usual private booth we prefer, the table was nevertheless in a cozy setting.

We started with a glass of Peroni – an Italian beer favored by Best Friend – and a glass of pinot noir – my go-to wine at this Italian restaurant.

As I glanced around the dining room, it was good to see that the restaurant was as busy as it was, for it told me that the restaurant is managing to stay viable, and that people are still enjoying themselves, making the best of whatever their situations are.

My attention returned to our menu, which we perused, and then ordered.  Our waiter, Gerardo, brought a bowl of pasta e fagioli soup and a cup of Italian wedding soup to our table.  We immediately noticed that the amount of soup in the bowl was more like a cup’s worth, and the cup of soup was only halfway filled.

So much for keeping costs down, but it’s understandable.

Our meals arrived just as we conversed about our observations of the other patrons – Gerardo was attentive, and he did a swell job keeping up with everyone despite the crowd.  Best Friend enjoyed his beef ravioli, and I enjoyed my chicken picatta with the ginormous capers (they were the size of Queen olives), though I could have done without the slick lemony-oily spaghetti.

Yet, our conversation is something I wish to touch upon in this essay.  It was somewhat difficult to carry on a low-volume conversation at our tale.  The patrons who sat in the booth behind us spoke so loudly that I, for one, felt I was sitting with them, rather than with Best Friend.  At one point, I said to Best Friend, “I’ll be back in a few minutes.  It seems I am sitting at the booth being forced to listen to their conversations.”  And with great aplomb, Best Friend smiled and understood.

I trust that when people are dining in a restaurant, many do not know their voices easily carry to the other tables and booths.  Occasionally, it is the design of the room’s acoustics that help to project loud talkers’ voices to all corners.  Sometimes it is just the unaware loudness of people’s voices; they are used to yelling everywhere.  No matter the reason, being forced to hear strangers’ conversations is discourteous.

With that in mind, Best Friend and I find it easy to modulate our voices to a low volume, and we still understand one another without shouting across the table.  Sometimes, the yelling from other tables is so distracting that we don’t talk with each other during our meal.  Instead, we wait until we are out of the restaurant to continue our conversation.

ITALIAN DINING IA

It is most considerate to keep your conversations to your own table and nix the booming “look at me” volume so prevalent these days.  No one really wants to hear your political leanings or vulgar language or how perfect your children and grandchildren are.

This is a season in which to sparkle and revel in your own considerate style.

Make your holiday season festive.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

✿●▬▬▬●✿ ©2022 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ✿●▬▬▬●✿

Gracious Holiday Living – Part I.

christmas, etiquette, holidays, manners, songs, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I was in Vermont last weekend, among the pines, snow, and elegance.

Well, to be more clear, Best Friend and I watched the 1954 movie, White Christmas, and the movie transported me to a more beautiful era.  That is where I was for a couple hours – in post-War Vermont.  The characters in the movie were always well-presented, their hair always combed, their clothes pressed, and they exhibited civil decorum, even during a spat.  It struck me that today, our society has sadly fallen to something in the hideous department.

While I was growing up, we had three sets of clothes – a uniform for parochial school, Sunday clothes, and play clothes.  We kids always wore our Sunday clothes all day on Sunday, to church and at home.  Play clothes were just that – for play.  And I don’t need to explain the uniform for school; it’s self-explanatory.  Yes, there was a time that one did not wear pajamas to school and church.

I was horrified at the institution of casual Friday at work, and the public styles of students when I was attending college in the 90s:  uncombed hair, pajama bottoms, pajama sets, ripped clothes, bedroom slippers, and smelly body odors.

To quote Kelsey Grammar’s Frasier Crane, “What fresh hell is this?” was my thought.

These days, people generally make fun “the olden days” of the years prior to this – ahem – casual-sloppy style.  They shudder at the thought of the days when you presented yourself well in and out of the home.  When you never left home with your hair still in curlers or your face unshaven.  When ripped clothes were not the fashion.  When language was respectful and not bombarded with the f- and s-words.  Oh, that’s so old-fashioned.  You get the idea, I’m sure.

This season, many of us will find ourselves in the mix of parties (office, family, friends).  Even if the gathering is among your immediate circle of friends or family, do you dress up?  I mean Ladies, do you comb your hair, put on a little powder and lip gloss, and wear your best clothes (not those yoga pants or jeans)?  Gentlemen, do you eschew those ripped up jeans and faded sweatshirts and don your dressy trousers (pressed, of course) and a nice polo shirt (at least)?  Do you have clean and manicured nails?

Recently, I thought about the manner of dress these days, and there is something that our predecessors were on to – being well-presented was respect for oneself and respect for others.  I don’t see that generally these days.  Dress up – really dress up – for the parties and events you will be attending this season.  It is a fact that when you are well-presented (no sloppy clothes at church, for example), you feel better about yourself, and you produce better.  It is a fact.

Now, you might find yourself the butt of jokes if you show up at a holiday party this season dressed up, clean, and classy.  Honestly, I was in that situation many times.  I invariably attended functions dressed appropriately for the event, and that meant a dress and jewelry for the opera, tailored clothes for the office, and neat clothes whilst shopping.  There were people (strangers, mostly) who made fun of me for wearing a nice outfit to a function.  There were co-workers who laughed at me when I didn’t wear (what I consider) loungewear on casual Fridays (remember that debacle that started the sloppiness at work?)

Even at home when I spend the day there, I rarely don’t wear a bit of make-up, but at least I comb my hair and wear nice clothes, and my nails are clean and manicured.  The times I won’t wear something nice at home is when we are pulling weeds or cleaning house, for example.  Those situations call for work clothes.

Yet, physical appearance is not all that is profoundly lacking these days.  In the language department, do you let vulgar language flow freely from your lips, not caring who is around you?  It isn’t becoming nor befitting.  Moreover, today’s vernacular is vulgar and tasteless and does violence to the ears and the hearer.  This is so very unfortunate since the English language is rich with wonderful phrases and singular words that make it a pleasing language without the f- and s-words used abundantly as verbs, adjectives, nouns, determiners, prepositions, and interjections.  I don’t use vulgar language because I don’t believe it’s lady-like or intelligent.  I’ve been made fun of for this, and there have been people who, when they learn this about me, will ramp up the vulgarities in my presence or within earshot.  In fact, when I worked at an air traffic control facility, the vulgar language was de rigueur.  Nearly everyone out of the 75 people that worked there used vulgarities – men and women!  And when I asked these “offenders” to please not speak that way to me or near me, I was met with shock (at first), then laughter in the break room that was near my office.  Yes, I could hear them make fun of me.  There was a time, dear readers, that when women were in the same workspace, the men watched their language.  It’s passé in this era.  Women are known to let that filth fly with the best of the men.  That, dear readers, says more for those people than anything.  People that purposely do what you disdain for whatever reason (religion, upbringing, et cetera) in your presence have no manners nor compassion nor class.  Be bigger than that.  You will reap wonderful rewards as a result – others will think highly of you, you will be more of a delight to be around, and you will feel better about yourself, too.

Best Friend and I decorated The Oasis at Four Queen Palms for Christmas.  Up went the tree with a few presents underneath, and it looks inviting this year.  A dangly beaded ornament was inviting to Mademoiselle Kitten one evening when the tree was lit, but she quickly learned it’s a no-no toy for her.  Rat Terrier and Doxie are oblivious to the tree.  Just as well. CHRISTMAS TREE II

Baking is on the near horizon in my kitchen; the cookie dough is made and frozen until such time.  The fruitcake is busy fermenting, and my menus are being finalized.  We have a few concerts to attend.  And, of course, we have a slew of Christmas-themed movies we are watching, and we play Christmas carols every day.

One of these evenings, in front of the crackling fireplace and with carols playing in the background, Best Friend and I will start writing out our Christmas cards.

Make your holiday season classy.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

©2022 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms

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