Category Archives: manners

Angry Man.

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Recently, I decided to tag along with Best Friend to an appointment.  I had some free time, so why not?

That beautiful Thursday morning offered refreshingly cool, fresh-smelling air.  The sun shone brightly in a cloudless sky, and traffic into town was light.  The cattle that are usually in the fields must have been sleeping in the barn because I didn’t see any as we drove along the back road.

We arrived early for his appointment, and while he was busy, I remained in the waiting room.  I tried to read a book, but the otherwise serene room was shattered by an elderly man who was loudly combative with one of the staff (she was being so pleasant and patient with him, on the other hand).  Well, that bruhaha kept me from reading.

Within a few minutes, Best Friend returned to get me so that we could leave, but not before the combative man stormed out of the building in front of us, his meek wife following.

By the time Best Friend and I got to the parking lot, Angry Man had just gotten into his car, slammed the car door, and started backing out of his space without looking.  We were right there, paused on the sidewalk, and he was so quick in backing out and slamming his car into “drive” that it seemed he stripped his gears.  He nearly ran us over.  He flipped us the finger and shouted something.  And he squealed his tires down the parking lot to the main road.

By the time we got to the main road in our car, he was stuck in the middle of the street.  Traffic was heavy and drivers in both directions were attempting to maneuver around him.

It’s really sad that some people choose to take out their unhappiness and anger on everyone around them rather than work on resolving whatever problem they have.  It’s really unproductive to spread anger, hate, and negativity.  Plus, it foments further negativity throughout the world, even if that world at the moment is within the immediate surroundings.  It’s bad enough the world beyond our own private spheres is spiraling towards discord, hatred, and a hot war.

On the way back that morning, Best Friend and I headed for breakfast at one of our favorite casual restaurants, and the pleasantness of the waitress, Theresa, and the owner, Lisa, and the laughter and light conversations from the other patrons proved that happiness, serenity, and positivity are far more productive in building a blissful environment.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

✿●▬●✿ ©2023 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ✿●▬●✿

A Cup of Reality.

essay, etiquette, manners, opinion, transparency, , , , , , , ,

The other morning, Best Friend returned to the house to pour a cup of coffee.  While doing so, he quipped, “You can’t pour a cup of black coffee into a black cup wearing dark sunglasses.”

You see, he was doing just that, and it was nearly a disaster on the countertop.  The black coffee streaming into the black cup whilst he was still wearing his dark sunglasses made it impossible for him to gauge the progress of his task.  Thus, it almost developed into a disaster, yet he averted it only when he abruptly realized he could not see how much coffee he was pouring into the cup.  He snappily removed his sunglasses, and he finished his task at hand, unencumbered.  Disaster averted.

Life itself is much like that.  When we allow the shadows of denial, lip service, gaslighting, obliviousness, or what have you, to throw a penumbra over the clear reality of our lives, we remain in the dark and suffer for it, whether we consciously realize it or not.  Many of us will go through our lives not realizing what is stopping us from doing something we need/should/must do.  Some of us will walk along life’s path, going only so far as to see some perceived victimization and stop right there on that corner, to wail and moan about it.  Then there are those of us who see what our roadblocks are and do something about them and then move on with our lives.

Admittedly, I sometimes don’t see the shadows that are negatively affecting my life.  In fact, I might just go merrily along, believing and accepting that the excuses given to me ad infinitum are legitimate.  Now, I am a realist here.  Some of the excuses – or shall I say, some of the reasons – are legitimate, and everything falls into place eventually.  But when I hear excuses or gaslighting thrown in my direction with never a real effort made to make good on the promised matter, I chalk it up to that person not having the backbone to be forthright about not delivering on said promised matter.  It might be a cry for attention on their part, or lack of backbone.  I’m not here to psychoanalyze them.  No one can do that, in fact.  (That’s an essay for another time.)

To make my point clearer, let’s take a jaunt down Memory Lane.  When I was in my early 20s, I had a date with a guy.  He and I went to a co-worker’s home for a Christmas dinner and an evening of playing bridge, as did everyone else in our small divisional office within our governmental organization.  (For reference and a fun fact, he worked in the Logistics Division, and I worked in the Management Systems Division.)  There were eight couples at the co-worker’s home.  We had a nice time mingling, and we both had pleasant conversations in his car both to and from the party.  He promised to call me for another date.  And promised.  Yet, he never did.  While I had hoped he would call, by his fourth promise, I didn’t care anymore.  I eventually figured that he didn’t have the backbone to say nothing about the matter, let alone call me.  It would have been better to come out and say he wouldn’t call, than to string me along.  As nice of a guy he was, in the long run he would not be a good partner, let alone a platonic friend, because of his lack of straightforward communication.  Good heavens!

There are the people who promise to call, but never do, even after you call them every so often.  It reminds me of the television commercial I saw a long while back:  “Nobody’s calling you!”

Well, isn’t that the truth!

It is much like a neighbor we had who consistently promised to get together, but his promises were never fulfilled.  I chalked that up to him liking to hear himself talk – the “It’s the Thought that Counts” blueprint of virtual-signaling.

Over the years, events such as those eventually taught me to look at life behind the shadows of deceit.  Call me cynical, call me skeptical, call me jaded.  Life events taught me to believe when I see action – at least with repeat offenders.

Sometimes it is difficult for me to understand why people gaslight or completely throw a shadow on a situation.  Unfortunately, I have seen more and more of it recently – at least more so over these past three years.  It almost appears that too many people have become lazy, or dare I say it?  Uncaring, indifferent, and cold.  Throw darkness on it; I meant well; no one will notice seems to be the mantra.

Perhaps I live in a different world – a world where manners, graciousness, and straightforwardness exist and actually matter.  That is my world.  So now, I don’t bother with people whom I don’t hear from anymore.  I see things for what they are.  I see people for who they are.

It would be a better world and people would get along beat when the cloak of darkness is lifted.   Why not be forthright and honest and transparent?

Don’t pour black coffee into a black cup whilst wearing dark sunglasses.

I’m not drinking from it.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

✿●▬▬●✿ ©2023 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ✿●▬▬●✿

Out on the Town.

dining, etiquette, grooming, manners, tips for gracious living, , , , , , , , ,

The morning air was brisk this morning as I headed down to the kitchen for a cup of hot coffee.  After pouring my cup and taking a sip, I turned to look out the window at the burgeoning dawn.  The sky, while a pale robin’s egg blue, it was the ribbon of yellows and oranges that caught my eye.  But it did not last.  Within the minute, it disappeared while the sun rose above the horizon.

This past weekend held a flurry of activity here at The Oasis at Four Queen Palms.

Best Friend and I were, in a way, held captive at home Friday while we waited and waited for the cable man to come and replace the DVR black box that burned out.  It turns out that the fan inside it died out, and the entire box needed to be swapped out with a new one.  The funny thing is that the box was only three years and two weeks old.

So much for technology.

We spent the next morning putting away our Christmas decorations.  We are traditionalists, and our decorations come down on Three Kings Day (Epiphany – January 6), or at the most, the next day.  This year, the dismantling was fairly easy, since we only decorated the main house.  I am questioning the point of decorating to the full extent anymore, but time will tell when the calendar turns to November later this year.  Stay tuned.

That same evening, Best Friend wanted to treat us to a very nice dinner out, and I thought it was a grand idea.  It’s something we don’t do very often.  He mentioned that he wanted to go somewhere where the booths are very comfortable, so I recommended the nice restaurant across the road.  We don’t usually go there except for once in a great while.  So, once we got our usual Saturday housework and business done, we got ready to go out.

We both dressed up since the restaurant is somewhat fancy (for this area).  Best Friend wore a French cuff shirt with cuff links; I wore an all-black dress and carried a silver clutch purse.

We sat at our usual quiet corner table in the bar section of the restaurant.  I had a clear view of the outside, and Best Friend had a good view of the bar.  This made for a pleasant atmosphere.  One of the things I like about this restaurant is the roomy couch-like chairs that are so comfortable. I have mentioned in the passing conversation that they would make a great addition to our dining room, if we were so inclined to replace the table suite at home.

We placed our orders – rib eye, a Peroni, and a pinot noir – and the two of us carried on light conversation.  That is, until a couple of patrons entered with a bit of bluster.

They spoke loudly, which made it difficult to concentrate on our private table conversation for the time being.  The two women who entered recognized two other women at the bar, and we all in the room knew it for the rest of the evening!  Moreover, it was aggravating to be forced to hear gossip (for they spoke loudly during their meal) about a neighbor.  Always remember, I thought, when someone gossips about one person, you can be sure they will gossip about you!

It also appeared that some of the men patrons at the bar live in our neighborhood, so that told me that the bar in our neighborhood isn’t always the go-to place.

One other point that both Best Friend and I observed that night is that although this restaurant is one that conveys some class (it is not a fast-food joint by any means), the patrons’ mode of dress did not reflect that.  We saw people dressed in loungewear, shorts, T-shirts, and one wore black leggings and a faux leopard fur quasi-bolero jacket that emphasized her ample rear end and squat legs.  In fact, Best Friend stated that it seemed that the evening crowd dressed very sloppily as compared to the daytime lunch crowd.  He is right.

This is something I – we – notice when we are out in the world.  For some reason, people don’t dress nicely nor neatly anymore, nor do they comb their hair.  Parts in the hair are all over the place, like a winding road in the mountains of Monaco.  Overall, it’s a look of sloppy fashion that seems to deteriorate as every season passes.  It is as if people don’t have respect for themselves, let alone for anyone around them.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

✿●▬▬▬●✿ ©2023 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms ✿●▬▬▬●✿

Dining out should be an elegant experience.

Gracious Holiday Living – Part V.

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One of the simple enjoyments I have during the holiday season is dressing up, particularly if the occasion or activity calls for more than jeans and a shirt.

Presenting oneself in an appropriate ensemble with good personal grooming is key.  Too often today, in our laid back, sloppy world, people view “dressing up” as wearing faded jeans, gym shoes, and a wrinkled sweatshirt to any occasion these days, no matter the casualness or formality of it – I have seen such “fashion” at weddings, wakes, funerals, church, concerts, and nice restaurants.  I have seen people wear pajamas in public, and one huckster on television hawks his slippers that you can “wear any time, any place.”  Well, there’s nothing like promoting slovenliness!

Sigh.

Best Friend and I were at a holiday philharmonia concert a few weeks ago.  We couldn’t help but notice the varied modes of dress:  ripped and faded blue jeans, a wrinkled cotton housedress, a forest green lamé pantsuit, colorful sequined jackets, sweatshirts, oversized ugly Christmas sweaters, dark suits and ties, and the most shocking of all was the micro miniskirt with thigh-high suede boots.

Why, even the current leader of the Ukraine spoke in person to the United States Congress last week in nothing better than cargo pants and a tired-looking sweatshirt.  And that isn’t even the traditional Ukrainian national dress, so there was no excuse for not wearing a suit and tie.  In fact, his ensemble loudly proclaimed disrespect and thuggery.  Moreover, I believe there is a guy who will be going to the United States Senate next term who wears oversized hoodie jackets and jeans everywhere as his signature ensemble.

Mercy!

The manner in which you dress and groom yourself presents to the world how you view yourself, and it shows the world what you think of everyone else.

The way you dress also has an impact on how you communicate.  I believe that when a person is dressed in clean and ironed clothing and personal grooming is neat and fresh, respectful comportment and language follows.  You cannot help but feel good and speak with intelligence.  This isn’t to say that is a one hundred per cent fact, that once a person combs his hair and puts on a tuxedo that magically he is metamorphosed into the personification of etiquette and the King’s English, but it does ring true in my experience with others – that a well-groomed person feels better about himself and thus exudes respect towards others in manners and language.

A person doesn’t have to be a slovenly slob at home, either.  In fact, there are days that even if I stay home all day, I still comb and style my hair, put on a little makeup, and wear stud earrings.  That little bit of simple grooming goes a long way into making me feel good about myself.  To be an unkempt slob is to not care a wit about yourself or others.

The 2022 holiday season is drawing to a close, and soon it will be written as yet another chapter in my journal for the year.  If you are attending a New Year’s Eve party, being a guest at someone’s house, or just staying home to celebrate the incoming new year, why not think well of yourself – comb your hair and dress up!

Make your holiday season classy.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

©2022 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms

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Delightful celebration at the table.

Gracious Holiday Living – Part III.

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As Irving Berlin wrote in his song, “Count Your Blessing (Instead of Sheep),” written for the 1954 movie, White Christmas:

When I’m worried and I can’t sleep

I count my blessings instead of sheep

And I fall asleep counting my blessings.

When my bankroll is getting small

I think of when I had none at all

And I fall asleep counting my blessings.

There is so much from which to learn, for those 43 words give much food for thought.  Even I sometimes fall into the doldrums from time to time, particularly when events and people from outside the walls of The Oasis at Four Queen Palms to enter and upset the pacific atmosphere here.  I know that they do not deserve that power, and for the most part, I don’t let their silly nonsense infiltrate.  Yet, it isn’t a 100 per cent stoppable guarantee.  Life happens; it’s how I handle the garbage that counts.  With that said, I discovered a 1913 book by Fannie Dickerson Chase, Good Form and Social Ethics, which also puts forth a cornucopia of points for us that are well worth the time to ponder.  Here, I will share some of what she wrote:

Do not be a slave to other people’s opinions.  As I see it, don’t be a willow tree in the breeze, bending this way and that, taking other people’s opinions as your own.  Don’t fall into the “your opinion is my opinion” mantra.  Gosh.  To me, and to others, that means you have no thoughts of your own, and we mind as well just be talking to ourselves.

Be quick to forgive.  If we are still marinating in something we think another person did to us years ago, let it go, for Pete’s sake!  Learn from what happened and stop wallowing in it.

Magnify your joys.  The world is, and always will be, filled with grief and ordeals, but it is also filled with good and rewards.  To alleviate one’s own bitterness is to remember that other people are experiencing even heavier trials and emotions.

Hear accurately and speak accurately.  No one likes to hear misinformation, nor gossip.

Do not be a servant to your moods.  By the same token, don’t drag others into your moodiness.  Stop feeling sorry for yourself.  It is not productive, nor becoming.

Do the right thing.  Be honorable, keep your promises regardless of how you might feel towards the person to whom you made that promise.

Be slow to discredit another’s word or action.  It is best to believe in others until you find absolute substantiation to not believe in them. 

Do not be soured and worried by disappointments.  Take your disappointments gracefully, for they have been given to you for a greater purpose.

Do not be thoughtless.  Lapses of courtesy does not bode well.

Be truthful.  If you fib your way through life, one day, people will – and they do! – eventually discover that you’ve been a fraudster.

Be sympathetic.  You may not really know the true story about the other person.

These, and the many other points that are made in the book, are words to live by throughout the year.  I bring this topic up now during the holiday season to point out that this time of year should be more joyful, more calming, and more twinkling than ever.  Yes, the world seems to be careening towards the Dark Side more and more each day, yet we need to maintain the sanity, happiness, joy, and true good in ourselves despite the ugliness.  Don’t let the Devil overtake your life.

Make your holiday season classy.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

READING 1A

©2022 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms 

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Gracious Holiday Living – Part II.

at home, dining, etiquette, holidays, manners, , , , , , , , ,

One of the things that I enjoy doing is homemaking.  Yes, honest-to-goodness homemaking.  And that includes preparing and presenting meals at home.

I always held the belief that eating at home should be just as elegant as dining out at a nice restaurant.  For that reason, most of the meals at home are on a properly set table, with our good china and silverware, nice napkins, crystal wine glasses, lit candles in crystal holders, and perhaps a flower centerpiece.  This arrangement goes for breakfasts, lunches, and dinners.  Sometimes we’ll tune into a Mantovani or a Tony Bennett CD for some mood music.  It’s all covered.

Now, sometimes when Best Friend and I are eating light and having only a simple thrown-together sandwich, we might eat it off of paper plates, although those paper plates are invariably good quality and the seasonally decorated ones (not the flimsy boring white ones), with matching paper napkins.

Yes, the two of us eat at home with all the class and decorum of hosting a dinner with invited guests.

We generally put aside our technological devices at the table.  I admit that sometimes I will have mine nearby out of horrific habit, but I am getting better at not using it as some awful crutch.  We might quickly use a device to clarify a fact of some sort with the conversational topic we are having, but other than that – no devices at the table.

This set-up of eating at home in an elegant manner is a year-round tradition in our home, not just for those special occasions and holidays.  Each day is extraordinarily special in our book.  Think about some of the characters on the program, The Office, who ate lunch together at work once a month, eating off of good plates, using good silverware, and holding intelligent conversation.  It’s easy to do if you try it, and you will find that you will feel good about eating like a civilized person.

A DINING ROOM 2

I do recommend it for everyone, even for the singles who live alone.  For the time I lived by myself, I ate my meals at my dinette table with good dishes and well-made and well-presented meals.  If I stopped on the way home from work for an Italian beef sandwich, when I got home that sandwich found itself on a real plate on my dinette table, along with a good napkin and silverware.  If I also brought home something to drink, I poured that drink in a good glass – no drinking directly from the bottle or can!  (Would you drink straight from the milk jug in the refrigerator?  Hmmmmm?)  And I did not eat while watching television.  One enjoys the taste of the meal better when fully engaged.  (I did not, in fact, watch television for years, and the only time I turned it on was to watch an old movie on TCM, and that waiting until I was done eating.)

I cannot imagine dining at home in a helter-skelter and sloppy manner, when it is so easy to eat like a civilized person.

Make your holiday season classy.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

©2022 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms

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Gracious Holiday Living – Part I.

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I was in Vermont last weekend, among the pines, snow, and elegance.

Well, to be more clear, Best Friend and I watched the 1954 movie, White Christmas, and the movie transported me to a more beautiful era.  That is where I was for a couple hours – in post-War Vermont.  The characters in the movie were always well-presented, their hair always combed, their clothes pressed, and they exhibited civil decorum, even during a spat.  It struck me that today, our society has sadly fallen to something in the hideous department.

While I was growing up, we had three sets of clothes – a uniform for parochial school, Sunday clothes, and play clothes.  We kids always wore our Sunday clothes all day on Sunday, to church and at home.  Play clothes were just that – for play.  And I don’t need to explain the uniform for school; it’s self-explanatory.  Yes, there was a time that one did not wear pajamas to school and church.

I was horrified at the institution of casual Friday at work, and the public styles of students when I was attending college in the 90s:  uncombed hair, pajama bottoms, pajama sets, ripped clothes, bedroom slippers, and smelly body odors.

To quote Kelsey Grammar’s Frasier Crane, “What fresh hell is this?” was my thought.

These days, people generally make fun “the olden days” of the years prior to this – ahem – casual-sloppy style.  They shudder at the thought of the days when you presented yourself well in and out of the home.  When you never left home with your hair still in curlers or your face unshaven.  When ripped clothes were not the fashion.  When language was respectful and not bombarded with the f- and s-words.  Oh, that’s so old-fashioned.  You get the idea, I’m sure.

This season, many of us will find ourselves in the mix of parties (office, family, friends).  Even if the gathering is among your immediate circle of friends or family, do you dress up?  I mean Ladies, do you comb your hair, put on a little powder and lip gloss, and wear your best clothes (not those yoga pants or jeans)?  Gentlemen, do you eschew those ripped up jeans and faded sweatshirts and don your dressy trousers (pressed, of course) and a nice polo shirt (at least)?  Do you have clean and manicured nails?

Recently, I thought about the manner of dress these days, and there is something that our predecessors were on to – being well-presented was respect for oneself and respect for others.  I don’t see that generally these days.  Dress up – really dress up – for the parties and events you will be attending this season.  It is a fact that when you are well-presented (no sloppy clothes at church, for example), you feel better about yourself, and you produce better.  It is a fact.

Now, you might find yourself the butt of jokes if you show up at a holiday party this season dressed up, clean, and classy.  Honestly, I was in that situation many times.  I invariably attended functions dressed appropriately for the event, and that meant a dress and jewelry for the opera, tailored clothes for the office, and neat clothes whilst shopping.  There were people (strangers, mostly) who made fun of me for wearing a nice outfit to a function.  There were co-workers who laughed at me when I didn’t wear (what I consider) loungewear on casual Fridays (remember that debacle that started the sloppiness at work?)

Even at home when I spend the day there, I rarely don’t wear a bit of make-up, but at least I comb my hair and wear nice clothes, and my nails are clean and manicured.  The times I won’t wear something nice at home is when we are pulling weeds or cleaning house, for example.  Those situations call for work clothes.

Yet, physical appearance is not all that is profoundly lacking these days.  In the language department, do you let vulgar language flow freely from your lips, not caring who is around you?  It isn’t becoming nor befitting.  Moreover, today’s vernacular is vulgar and tasteless and does violence to the ears and the hearer.  This is so very unfortunate since the English language is rich with wonderful phrases and singular words that make it a pleasing language without the f- and s-words used abundantly as verbs, adjectives, nouns, determiners, prepositions, and interjections.  I don’t use vulgar language because I don’t believe it’s lady-like or intelligent.  I’ve been made fun of for this, and there have been people who, when they learn this about me, will ramp up the vulgarities in my presence or within earshot.  In fact, when I worked at an air traffic control facility, the vulgar language was de rigueur.  Nearly everyone out of the 75 people that worked there used vulgarities – men and women!  And when I asked these “offenders” to please not speak that way to me or near me, I was met with shock (at first), then laughter in the break room that was near my office.  Yes, I could hear them make fun of me.  There was a time, dear readers, that when women were in the same workspace, the men watched their language.  It’s passé in this era.  Women are known to let that filth fly with the best of the men.  That, dear readers, says more for those people than anything.  People that purposely do what you disdain for whatever reason (religion, upbringing, et cetera) in your presence have no manners nor compassion nor class.  Be bigger than that.  You will reap wonderful rewards as a result – others will think highly of you, you will be more of a delight to be around, and you will feel better about yourself, too.

Best Friend and I decorated The Oasis at Four Queen Palms for Christmas.  Up went the tree with a few presents underneath, and it looks inviting this year.  A dangly beaded ornament was inviting to Mademoiselle Kitten one evening when the tree was lit, but she quickly learned it’s a no-no toy for her.  Rat Terrier and Doxie are oblivious to the tree.  Just as well. CHRISTMAS TREE II

Baking is on the near horizon in my kitchen; the cookie dough is made and frozen until such time.  The fruitcake is busy fermenting, and my menus are being finalized.  We have a few concerts to attend.  And, of course, we have a slew of Christmas-themed movies we are watching, and we play Christmas carols every day.

One of these evenings, in front of the crackling fireplace and with carols playing in the background, Best Friend and I will start writing out our Christmas cards.

Make your holiday season classy.

As ever,

Lady Susan Marie Molloy

©2022 The Oasis at Four Queen Palms

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