Earlier this month, we wanted to go shopping at one of our local antique shops, so Best Friend and I got ourselves together and first headed out for an early lunch.
We stopped by a little grille, nestled in a shopping mall between a seedy-looking thrift store and a storefront mission. This grille has some of the best home cooked meals in our town, and we never had a bad meal there.
The lunch crowd was thinning out, and we were able to sit in a corner booth. Best Friend ordered steak and eggs, and I chose a half tuna sandwich with broccoli soup. We enjoyed our conversation about this and that, we ate our meals, and soon we were ready to head to the counter to pay our bill.
I caught a glimpse of a lady, perhaps in her late 40s-early 50s, who was at the counter paying her bill. By the time we got there, she was gone.
Best Friend took out his debit card.
“It’s paid for,” said the cashier.
“I’m sorry,” replied Best Friend. “What’s that?”
“Your bill is paid for by the lady who was just here. You owe nothing.”
We both were speechless. We were so surprised, so shocked at this, that we didn’t know what else to say, except for, “Wow. You only read about this sort of thing in the newspapers.”
The cashier smiled. We gave her a large tip (for she was our waitress, too), and we went on our merry way.
I read the news last week that a famous, one-time athlete donated millions of dollars to an organization. The news was everywhere for a couple of days – just in case you didn’t see it the first day the news was publicized.
There was a time when donors would grant their wealth in a quiet manner, preferring to remain anonymous, and let the glory reflect in the good that their donations created for the recipients – not in the act of them handing over a check.
In an episode of M*A*S*H, “Death Takes a Holiday,” Major Winchester received packages of chocolates from home. Of course, the other officers were incensed that Charles would not share his chocolates with them. They were even more infuriated that Charles donated a can of oysters to the orphans, which everyone saw. Eventually, we learn that Charles had been giving his expensive chocolates to the orphans and insisted on anonymity, according to his family tradition. It was a selfless gift that was made even better by the anonymity.
You see, there is great merit in doing good without all the “Look at me! Look at me!” attitudes so prevalent today. The athlete who broadcasted his donation consciously chose to make his action public, and all that I can surmise is that it was his selfish “Look at me!” Look what I did!” moment.
There is a phrase, a motto, a saying – call it what you will – that really comes across to me as silly and insipid.
“Give back to your community.”
That mantra has been around for a couple decades, at least, and from the first time I heard it (probably on Oprah!), I found it a truly nonsensical saying.
People have praised the rich and famous, and subsequently cheered when the rich and famous donate their money, property, and the like to organizations in their hometown, their adopted new town, to who- or what-have-you.
“Ah, look how good he is! He gave back to the community.”
And from there, we – the average citizen – have been incessantly encouraged to do the same.
“Give back to your community!”
The idea is that if you make it big in the world in a legitimate way, you are “supposed” to give your well-earned earnings to society.
What?
Let’s say I am an entertainer, and you paid to see me perform my craft. Is that not already giving something to you? Why would you want more of what I legitimately earned? Why should you or anyone, for that matter, push me to relinquish my hard-earned wealth? I have a craft you enjoy, you paid me to dance or sing or act, and now we are even. You paid me, and I performed for you.
Done.
It’s quid pro quo. Something for something.
Let’s also say I raised a family during the years. That was my responsibility – to raise a family and maintain that family so that no one would be a burden on society.
Yet I am still told to “give back.” We want your wealth.
Currently, I live in a golf course community. I discovered over the weekend that a golf fundraising event is being planned to raise money to build a memorial to veterans. (Military veterans, I guess.)
The missive went out to residents thusly:
Won’t you be a part of our community fundraising event by sponsoring a golf hole? A single hole cost for a sign that is 18” X 24” is only $50.00 each. (The sign is yours to keep after the event). Better yet why not sponsor the whole front nine or the whole back nine for only $250.00. That’s nine signs at nine different holes. Each sign will have names and/or business information about your sponsorship. All checks are to be made payable to XXX Golf Course. Given that, I am led to believe that this exercise in virtue signaling is more of the so-called legacy that some people in this neighborhood want to leave. It’s almost akin to a do-over or something along those lines. Pay money, get a sign, put it on your lawn, brag about your “caring.”
I find this whole “giving back to your community” a despicable exercise in virtue signaling. Forcing or pushing someone to give what they earned is jealousy and pushing guilt on people who worked hard for their wealth.
Humbleness is a virtue. If you are going to do some good, why boast and brag about it?
Just do good, and let the recipients thank you privately.
Some of us – perhaps many of us – go along in life, rolling along, taking what comes and moving right along. Conversely, there are those of us who roll along in our lives, in a prison of our own creation, marinating in the past for no other reason than it is comfortably there.
It is a sad state of mind; I was in that horrid position once upon a time. I would go over and over with the perceived wrongs people might have done to me, reliving the past to no purpose than to be a victim of circumstances.
How silly. And what a waste of priceless time and energy. So very unconstructive, in fact.
I once knew someone who unfailingly brought up to his two brothers the lousy childhood family life they had. It never failed; his stories were always brought up in great detail. Yet, what made his habit interesting was how it affected his brothers. One brother went along and marinated in the negativity with him, the two joyfully vocally knocking down their father and grandfather in so many ways. Now, when this person brought up their lousy childhood to his other brother, that brother would invariably answer, “I don’t remember any of that.”
And that is a short response that says so very much. I cannot imagine that brother not remembering the trauma of their childhood, yet his answer was brilliant. By him making that succinct statement, he perfectly said, “That’s in the past; it isn’t happening now; there is no point in basking in the garbage; isn’t there something better to take about?”
His response is my point that we sometimes thankfully release ourselves from our prisons and further refuse to go down that path again and again.
I see too many people ruminate and marinate in the negative aspects (or imagined negative aspects) of their past and present lives. On and on they go, rolling in the cart of negativity, bringing up things that happened decades ago, things that are not a factor today, things that are feeding perceived victimization, so popular in today’s culture and society.
And for what purpose and to what end? Only they can explain that; it could be attention-grabbing (what I call the Look at Me! Syndrome), it could be to boost themselves up in the eyes of their peers or customers, or to feel sorry for themselves to explain their station in life. Who knows?
What I do know is that it is not fun to be around such people. They are exhausting. They are unconstructive. They are sadly stuck in their own world where they would rather have company in the mire and muck than to free themselves to live an unencumbered life. Of course, there are people who are happy in their own misery, and that is a topic for another time.
As for me, I personally try to live an unfettered life – free from others’ woes and free from my own. There is nothing to be gained by grinding on and on about negativity that is long gone, or even currently happening. Air it out, and be done, I say!
“Be thankful for what you have” is a time-worn cliché, but there is a lot of truth in those words. I add this, too: Please don’t presume others want to hear your pessimistic stories. It is exhausting and unconstructive.
So . . . will you allow negativity to cage you and keep you in the negative cart to roll through life chained to the blackness of pessimism, or will you free yourself and others in the process to bask in the sunshine of unburdened happiness?
As Irving Berlin wrote in his song, “Count Your Blessing (Instead of Sheep),” written for the 1954 movie, White Christmas:
When I’m worried and I can’t sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings.
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings.
There is so much from which to learn, for those 43 words give much food for thought. Even I sometimes fall into the doldrums from time to time, particularly when events and people from outside the walls of The Oasis at Four Queen Palms to enter and upset the pacific atmosphere here. I know that they do not deserve that power, and for the most part, I don’t let their silly nonsense infiltrate. Yet, it isn’t a 100 per cent stoppable guarantee. Life happens; it’s how I handle the garbage that counts. With that said, I discovered a 1913 book by Fannie Dickerson Chase, Good Form and Social Ethics, which also puts forth a cornucopia of points for us that are well worth the time to ponder. Here, I will share some of what she wrote:
Do not be a slave to other people’s opinions. As I see it, don’t be a willow tree in the breeze, bending this way and that, taking other people’s opinions as your own. Don’t fall into the “your opinion is my opinion” mantra. Gosh. To me, and to others, that means you have no thoughts of your own, and we mind as well just be talking to ourselves.
Be quick to forgive. If we are still marinating in something we think another person did to us years ago, let it go, for Pete’s sake! Learn from what happened and stop wallowing in it.
Magnify your joys. The world is, and always will be, filled with grief and ordeals, but it is also filled with good and rewards. To alleviate one’s own bitterness is to remember that other people are experiencing even heavier trials and emotions.
Hear accurately and speak accurately. No one likes to hear misinformation, nor gossip.
Do not be a servant to your moods. By the same token, don’t drag others into your moodiness. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It is not productive, nor becoming.
Do the right thing. Be honorable, keep your promises regardless of how you might feel towards the person to whom you made that promise.
Be slow to discredit another’s word or action. It is best to believe in others until you find absolute substantiation to not believe in them.
Do not be soured and worried by disappointments. Take your disappointments gracefully, for they have been given to you for a greater purpose.
Do not be thoughtless. Lapses of courtesy does not bode well.
Be truthful. If you fib your way through life, one day, people will – and they do! – eventually discover that you’ve been a fraudster.
Be sympathetic. You may not really know the true story about the other person.
These, and the many other points that are made in the book, are words to live by throughout the year. I bring this topic up now during the holiday season to point out that this time of year should be more joyful, more calming, and more twinkling than ever. Yes, the world seems to be careening towards the Dark Side more and more each day, yet we need to maintain the sanity, happiness, joy, and true good in ourselves despite the ugliness. Don’t let the Devil overtake your life.
The day arrived, finally! Today, most of the country is celebrating Thanksgiving, and if you are, I wish you a wonderful and gratitude-filled day.
Best Friend and I already chose a different date to observe our annual day of thanksgiving here at The Oasis of Four Queen Palms. It was a day filled with serenity and balance, good company, excellent wine, and great food. We played old, traditional music (think Sinatra and Bennett) in the background and lit a couple of candles placed snugly in the crystal candle holders. We set the table with our Fiestaware china, in the following colors: Butterscotch, Paprika, Meadow, and Scarlet. These three warm colors and one cool evoked the beauty of the changing of the leaves that is magnificent this time of year. A bouquet of silk autumn leaves in the centerpiece brought it all together.
This year, I veered a bit from our traditional menu fare. Sent away on holiday was the usual fare we have every year and brought in for a premiere showing were several new-to-us foods. But Tom Turkey was still the star of the meal. For reference, I picked up a 15-pound bird for $23.39. that is pretty good, given we will have a lot of leftovers to freeze and bones from which to make turkey soup.
To begin, our first and second courses were a bit quirky; something one wouldn’t think of to serve on Thanksgiving. The cup of Japanese Onion Soup we both had was good, and a suitable choice since it was mostly a light broth. It was simple to make a day ahead. The Apple-Raisin-Walnut Salad with Pumpkin Bread Croutons was crisp and cold, with the fresh Orange-Ginger Dressing being the perfect accompaniment.
The Herb Roasted Tom Turkey was perfectly browned and moist. My Apple-Raisin-Walnut stuffing to go with it turned out moist and crispy, just as we like it. I forgot to buy the raisins, but that did not deter from its mission as a side dish. It still tasted good! Leave it to me to forget to buy the raisins, although my forgetting something is not unheard of.
I prepared the Cranberry Sauce with Red Wine a couple of days in advance, and that was to its advantage, since the flavors melded well. I served this delightful side dish chilled, but I imagine it would taste just as good hot, too.
The Green Bean Gremolata was a new-to-us vegetable recipe. We liked the just-kissed lemony drizzle and the few shavings of Parmesan cheese sprinkled on top. For the yellow vegetable, I opted to make Cousin Stanley’s Roasted Squash, just as he made it, roasted to tenderness, and drizzled with a touch of local honey.
For our starch in the potato department, Best Friend had a twice-baked potato, and I opted for one of my own favorites – boiled sweet potatoes. It’s a treat for our dogs, too, sans the butter and pepper!
And what about dessert? This year, instead of my fresh homemade pumpkin pie, I made a small carrot cake, a favorite of Best Friend. I made this just as our own moms did – with fresh grated carrots. Heavenly!
This year’s celebration was successful, and we like the fact that we chose a non-traditional day to observe the annual Thanksgiving Holiday. As I wrote in my previous essay, WELCOME TO THE OASIS, we are not bound to have our annual Thanksgiving on the designated Federal date – every day could and should be one of thankfulness and gratitude.
I hope you had a perfectly marvelous Thanksgiving, if you celebrate it today.
When I lived in North Dakota, very close to the Canadian border, summer evenings seemed to last extraordinarily long. You see, it would be 10 p.m. and it was still light out, the stores in the little town stayed open longer; people were outside more with various activities. Yet, by 9:30 p.m., the sun would be already sinking slowly in the west. Now, where I live in a completely different part of the country, it is vastly different.
Here this time of year, at The Oasis of Four Queen Palms, by 4:30 p.m. or so, the sun gets ready to set, and within that hour, it is completely dark outside. Add a gloomy or inclement weather day to the mix, and it seems all the darker outside.
On the bright side, the early darkness does make for a nice atmosphere for dining at home – lit candles in crystal candleholders, soft music playing in the background, dim lights in the living room. Yet, when you really come down to it, early darkness is just something Best Friend and I aren’t crazy about. The day seems terribly short. But that’s what we get with the juggling of Standard Time and Daylight Saving Time, ad infinitum. I believe it’s time we cut out this nonsense and just stick to one time format or the other.
I already spent part of this weekend preparing some of the food for our Thanksgiving dinner that we will enjoy later in the week. The cranberries, mushroom gravy, stuffing, and soup were easy to prepare, and the best part is that I cut all those recipes in half. No sense in have too much left over. Doing this ahead of time is a time-saver. As a bonus, I made just enough of each to freeze for another day. The turkey is thawing. The wine is chilling. On the day of our Thanksgiving, I’ll prepare the salad, squash, green beans, and of course, Mr. Tom Turkey.
Looking ahead, I am sure our dogs will enjoy a bit of turkey and sweet potato. Mademoiselle Cat will just have to be happy with a serving of salmon. Best Friend is already commenting on how good The Oasis smells with what I prepared so far. Everybody wins in my house.
Time is what we make of it. We can say, “Oh! There just isn’t enough time.” Or, “Sorry. Can’t do it; no time.” Or we can put our noses to the grindstone and make the time. We can only seriously try our best to become more organized, embrace the positive aspects of whatever we attempt, and be glad for the outcome. Will we let time change our daily lives and give us ways to offer excuses, or will we change how we use our time wisely?
Today is a beautiful autumn day here at The Oasis of Four Queen Palms. Early this morning, I walked out to the terrace to take in the crisp air as the dawn splashed pinks and yellows across the eastern sky. My peach-colored hibiscus still has a good crop of blooms, but most of my other flowering plants are spent for the season.
The approaching Holidays means that life gets a little busier for me, and there is so much to do. Most important in my routine is the deep cleaning of the house. It’s also time to pack away the warm weather things and bring out those for fall and winter. The seasonal decorations will need to come out of storage, sorted through, and put up around the house. The writing of Christmas letters and addressing greeting cards is nigh. And then there is the preparation of menus ranging from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day.
Best Friend and I decided that this year, we will observe the annual Thanksgiving celebration on a date not in concert with the Federal holiday. We picked out a day, and it will be ours to savor.
I already chose the colors of our Fiestaware china for that day: Butterscotch, Paprika, Meadow, and Scarlet. These three warm colors and one cool, evoke the beauty of the changing of the leaves that is fabulous this time of year. I plan to arrange a table centerpiece that will include a Fiestaware large disk pitcher in Scarlet, that will hold a bouquet of silk autumn leaves. Of course, lit wax candles in crystal candleholders will also make an appearance.
I believe that eating at home should be a lovely experience, and not only for the Holidays and entertaining otherwise. In fact, all year ‘round, I consistently set a pretty table with delightfully presented meals that one might only enjoy in a good restaurant. My family is important to me, and I show it as best as possible.
And that brings me back to our first celebration of the season.
Best Friend and I picked out the date for our Thanksgiving. With that set, I now have the menu decided upon. Here it is, for your wonderment:
First Course
Japanese Onion Soup
Second Course
Apple Salad with Pumpkin Bread Croutons
Third Course
Roasted Whole Tom Turkey
Apple-Raisin-Walnut Stuffing, Cranberry Sauce with Red Wine, Green Bean Gremolata, Cousin Stanley’s Roasted Squash, Boiled Sweet Potato, Twice Baked Potato, Homemade Fresh Mushroom Gravy
Fourth Course
Homemade Carrot Cake
Beverage
Mogen David wine
As elegant as this feast might be, the most important factor of the upcoming day for us will be the sincere gratitude we have in so many ways.
Welcome to my essays on life and elegant living at The Oasis at Four Queen Palms.
Upon awakening this morning, I dressed and headed to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of hot black coffee. Before I dressed and left the bedroom, my best friend hurried me to the window to witness the dawn together, where the sun was in the midst of a fiery red and orange rise above the horizon. It was a glorious morning sight, and pity that I did not have film in my camera to capture it for posterity.
A few oohs! and ahhs! were shared between us, a few words of wonderment expressed, whereupon I dressed and headed to the kitchen to make our coffees. I then went on to the terrace to drink my coffee and ponder my thoughts.
There is something to be said about the hazy, lazy days of summer, but what about life after October?
Indeed, once Halloween is over and the decorations and the masquerade costumes go back in storage here at The Oasis of Four Queen Palms, the pages on the calendar seem to invariably flip faster and faster each day. It never fails. In fact, when the calendar turned to November, I put away the few Halloween decorations I have (a ceramic haunted house my aunt and uncle gave me and a Jack O’Lantern from my other aunt). Then, as I was setting up the ancient paper turkey on my cellarette in the foyer and hung the wreath on the front door, I gave a few thoughts about Thanksgiving.
In my thinking and deep ponderings, the act of thanksgiving should be/could be a daily celebration. Sure, it is nice that we have a national holiday dedicated to it, and most working people have the day off. But does it have to be the fourth Thursday in November?
Maybe not.
Best Friend and I discussed this very idea recently. Why couldn’t we have Thanksgiving on another day that we determine? After all, we are not going to the little shindig that our neighborhood diner is setting up (Their offering of Cheese Whiz on Ritz crackers, pressed turkey with canned cranberries and instant potatoes turns us off – and the cost per person is unreasonable for microwaved mass-produced food). No family nor friends are making the trek to holiday with anyone, either. So, we decided to forego the November 24th date this year and pick another day to have our own private thanksgiving, with our homemade foods, music of our own choice, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
Indeed, this will be a different Thanksgiving holiday, one that for the first time in our lives won’t be on the Federal holiday date. It will be on our own terms.
And that brings me around to a question that a friend and fellow author asked me, paraphrased: “Does it take a recession and wild inflation for people to learn to be thankful for what they have?”
Perhaps. Perhaps it does. You see, I published a few short stories about people living during The Depression and learning what is important and what it means to be appreciative. I chose that time in history because I have a great affection for those times. Not that I was alive then, you see, but there is something about the music, the movies, the fashions, and the history that attracts me to no end. I suppose The Depression slapped a little reality into some people, and those heady days before those rough years were thought to never, ever end. Perhaps they thought prosperity and overabundance would remain forever; but who truly knows? Yet hard times did materialize, and sometimes that’s what it takes for people to realize what is truly important. It does not take a depression, recession, or impossible inflation to make a person’s life difficult, either. Circumstances vary.
And now returning to Thanksgiving 2022: Sure, we can make do with a lovely and lavish meal with enough turkey leftovers to make soup from the bones and Turkey Tetrazzini for the week, et al. Yet, the most important feature of whatever day we pick to celebrate, is but one of 364 days of thanksgiving. And that is what we will do on a day we determine to be our day of annual thanksgiving.
With the upcoming Holidays, I put my writing on pause for the next couple of weeks, which could be a good thing. I’ll have time to think about my books and the plots as I make the preparations for the upcoming observances.
I already prepared four batches of cookie dough and froze them, so they’ll be ready for a quick roll, cut, decorate, and bake for both Thanksgiving and Christmas entertainment. (Did you know that cookie dough can be frozen raw for several months before using?) Right now, I am baking my homemade pumpkin bread which will then be made into croutons for salads to be used over the next couple of weeks, including Thanksgiving dinner.
Yet, there are more tasks to accomplish: I need to finish writing out the Thanksgiving dinner menu, decide upon the Holiday décor, finish writing the Christmas letter and review my Christmas card list for this year, and so much more in the realm of secular entertainment and religious observances.
Yet, although the time might be flying, I am getting projects and tasks done. Writing itself isn’t always the mechanics of sitting down and putting pen to paper. It is an involved process, at least for me, that ideas float around my mind and marinate as I formulate plot outlines and conceive witty phrases. It was like that for me in college (for those twenty-plus page dissertations), and at work (for those technical orders and communications) – and it is always this –> take a short break, do something else, and go back to that paper or project. I haven’t had much good quality time to write lately, although I do have a slew of outlines finished. It seems that every time I sit down to work on my books, Mr. Rat Terrier needs something. No matter that Best Friend might be available to meet His Highness’ needs at the moment. Nope. It is I, and I only, who can fulfill Mr. Rat Terrier’s whims, from a doggie snack to being let out in the yard. Thank the heavens above that Miss Doxie and Mademoiselle Petite Chatte require little in the way of attention.
This introductory chapter is the first of my blog, The Oasis at Four Queen Palms. I plan to write an essay each Monday and Thursday within the realms of lifestyle and experiences. Indeed, I have been writing blogs for well over ten years now in different formats and names (and all but one is defunct), but this is the one that will settle specifically on life here at The Oasis of Four Queen Palms.
Well, time to get back to the kitchen. The pumpkin bread should be just about ready to take out of the oven.
The Oasis at Four Queen Palms 